Staring Into The Night
by The Inimitable Enigma Cypher
Summary: This is a songfic from the POV of Otto Octavius, his thoughts about his life after the accident. Song is The Reason by Hoobastank.


**Staring Into the Night**

(Song is "The Reason", by Hoobastank, thought it was the perfect song for an Octavius songfic.)

_I'm not a perfect person  
As many things I wish I didn't do_

As I sit here on this lonely night, I have a lot on my mind.

Most of it having to do with the accident that changed my life.

The accident that came about due to my own miscalculation, that I refused to believe was a miscalculation.

The accident that killed my wife...and demolished my dream in an instant.

I look up at the full moon, reflected on the river,

And I can't help but wonder:

Could I get it right next time?

Or would it be a mistake?

Did all this really happen?

Or is this all some horrible dream?

As I am hit by a blast of freezing wind, I shiver, and think, _This is no dream...this is reality..._

_But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you__  
_

I look at the river and see 4 red lights reflecting off the surface.

_...and I wish it wasn't._

**What do you mean by that, father?**

One of them talks in my head.

_It means I wish this was all a dream...that I'd wake up from it and things would return to normal._

**Do you not like us?**

**We have helped you so much.**

**Do you wish to be rid of us?**

For the moment, I don't have an answer.

I look at the New York skyline, think of all the people who probably don't even know I exist.

As they shouldn't...I am a monster.

An abomination...

I have taken too many lives away, cheated death far more than any sane man should, racked up a criminal record higher than the Empire State...

And I never meant to do any of it.

_And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know_

I was just a man, with a dream to help humanity.

And it all collapsed on my head.

As everything else since then has.

And yet I still exist...

Any other man would have caved in under such circumstances.

_So why am I still here?_

**Because we are here to help you.**

_I don't need your help!!!_

**But father-**

_Leave me alone!!!_

They quiet down...for now.

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you  
_

I close my eyes for a moment, reflecting back on my life, and a flashback of my childhood returns to me. I remember how my father used to beat me, while my mother stood watching, begging him to stop.

I remember the day I heard of his death, thanking the gods of technology for killing him and removing him from my life forever.

I remember the day I met the woman whom I eventually married, on the college steps, and talked for hours.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday_

At this, I look up at the night sky, as clouds begin to cover the moon, threatening to bombard the city with rain.

I flash back to the day of the accident, when, for a brief moment, I thought that my life's work would finally come to fruition.

How, for a moment, it did...only to go horribly wrong.

When I turned around to find my wife...killed by flying glass...then, nothing.

I remember waking up in a hospital room, the bodies of surgeons flung over the room in a bloody tableau.

_And all the pain I put you through  
__  
_I remember walking out of the E.R, nearly getting hit by a taxi, only to flip it over at the last second.

I remember walking into the pier where I now hide out, falling asleep, and waking up in the morning to discover that the media had a field day with the accident. How I walked into town, picking up a newspaper and seeing the nickname that fool Jameson gave to me.

They called me "Doctor Octopus."

I'd like to know where he came up with that...

I stand up as rain starts to fall.

I look at the sky again, the clouds now beginning to overtake the sky, blocking out the moon.

And I fall to my knees, my head in my hands, tears rolling down my face.

_I'm sorry Rosie...I didn't mean for this to happen. I wish I could take it back...but it's not possible now._

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears  
Thats why i need you to hear_

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is You _

I can't help but just sit there and mourn the life that I once had... the love I had...now lost.

I used to be Otto Octavius...

...now I'm just a monster.

_I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know_

But I will no longer act like the monster people like to believe I am.

_I swear to you, Rosie...no longer will I be known as a madman. _

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you_

I don't like being known as a monster.

I stand up and look at the sky as it starts to rain heavily.

I stand there and let the rain wash over me, as if it would cleanse me of the sins I have committed.

I have done great wrong...

_I will no longer be a monster, Rosie. _

I walk into the pier, and lay on the bed, my heart still heavy.

I look up at the ceiling, and listen to the rain against the roof.

And hope that my life will change for the better...

_I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you_


End file.
